Its been two years since I have written on my blog. Sometimes we have plans and they don't end up the way we expect, its easy to give up and play the victim. Over the past two years so many things have happened and they have made me grow stronger, wiser, and better. I refuse to be a victim so many years of my life was spent woddling in sorrow, anger, and disbelieve; my faith has gotten stronger and I now know that I can not save everyone and that everyones problems are not mine to solve. I am at peace and ready to move forward in my life and in my career. The economy have been tough on us all and at times we forget about the things that makes us smile, and for me that is writing I lost that part of myself two years ago when finances started building up and I had to go to work full time. I love being a hairstylist but I think I have always known being a successful writer is my true career goal. When I write I feel at peace I feel that I have a lot to say that people can relate to; its one thing to be a writer but when you relate to your readers you create an connection and your work can be accepted as a guide. A guide that can help someone be happy, proud, realistic, or even humble. I have read plenty of books, articles, and blogs some have touched me and changed me I want to be that type of writer and the only way that will happen is for me to continue doing what I love so I hope you all can accept the return of my blog and continue to follow it!!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Thursday, September 24, 2009
A healthy mind = A healthy body
Talk about an Emotional Roller Coaster this month has really been stressful for me and my family and it all started on:
Thursday August 20, 2009 at 8:00pm.
I get a phone call stating that my sister had been arrested for being at the wrong place a the wrong time and can be facing some serious time behind some dudes that set her up to pick up a package from a house and when she got there the FBI was there and arrested her. She got out the same night but now the guys think she will snitch, but knowing her she won't and she will take the fall for 15lbs. of marijuana through FedEx. The bad thing is she has 5 kids that will suffer if she do the time, but if she snitch she's screwed cause that's a lot of years which can cause the dudes to want to harm her if she tell and we all know the police won't protect her and her kids!
Wednesday August 26, 2009 at 10:00 am.
I missed my job interview because the car was leaking oil and smoking really bad and it was also the 1 year anniversary of my niece's loosing their father who was Murdered in Boston.
Thursday August 27, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My husband's car caught fire on his way to work now the stress really kick in cause my car gave out back in March and now his, so we had no car!
Friday August 28, 2009 at 8:30 am.
I had a dental appointment scheduled to remove my wisdom tooth and I also had a job interview scheduled for 10:00 am. At, 9:15am I was still sitting in the waiting room so I rescheduled my appointment. I called my ride then I noticed I had forgot the address and directions for my interview at home so I called them and got the info from them. About 20minutes into the ride I called to let them to let them know I was on my way and if I was heading in the right direction and the guy told me I was going the wrong way so turn around and I did, but he was wrong! The whole time I was going the right way so I was 45 minutes late for my interview however, I am happy to say they waited for me and I also got hired. When I came out of my interview my husband called to let me know that he had gotten approved for the car loan and we was getting our car and sure enough he pulled up in our first new shinny car!!!! All is good, right?
Sunday August 30, 2009 at 11:00am.
My husband's football game starts and within 15 minutes of playing he collided with another player head on and had to go to the hospital. They gave him a CT-Scan and we found out he fractured 7 bones in his face(his upper jaw bone, his sinus bones, and his temporal bone) and may need surgery. His pain was unbearable.
Monday August 31, 2009 at 9:00am.
We met with the maxillofacial specialist but he didn't handle fractures of this extent so he referred us to his partner so that means another appointment. At 10:00am I had my wisdom tooth pulled and a fill-in done. After that appointment we had to be at the Eye Dr. at 12:00pm to make sure there was no damage done to his eye I am glad to say his eye was not damaged.
Wednesday September 2, 2009 at 10:00 am.
Another fill-in(my poor mouth).
Thursday September 3, 2009 at 9:00 am.
We went to the maxillofacial surgent and found out that his fractures were really serious and he had to have surgery which was scheduled for September 9th. We were hoping he wouldn't have to have the surgery, but they were concerned about his eye sinking back and him having permanent double vision the swelling was actually helping his eye to stay in place. We also had to go to the Eye Dr. and to his primary care Dr. to get blood drawn before his surgery.
Friday September 4, 2009 at 8:30 am.
He had to have more CT-Scans done it was 9:45am and he still wasn't done so I had to leave him and my son at the hospital because I had a 10:00am appointment to sign my son up for daycare. When I got to my appointment after signing all the papers and thinking I was all set I found out that my employer never faxed my income verification form so he lost his spot. So, then I had to race back to the hospital to pick them up which they had been waiting for an hour because I never told them I was leaving, I was suppose to be waiting out side until they gave him his CT-Scan disk but when I saw the time I pulled off because I couldn't miss the appointment and you see how it turned out! Then he had an appointment for a physical which had to be done before he got the surgery and because we didn't have the $30 copay they refused to see him so we had to reschedule.
Monday September 7, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My husband returned to work but he also had two appointments scheduled for that day after work, his eye appointment and his physical which all went well! And my sister had her first court date which the case was continued for another date.
Wednesday September 9, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My first day of work, I got out at 9:00am and then picked up my husband to take him to his surgery. It was scheduled for 12:00pm and he was very nervous all he kept saying was "I want you to be the first person I see when I wake up then I'll be fine". I even made sure I wore his favorite color (he loves me in pink). I stayed with him until they took him into the Operating Room then I went back to work until 4:00 pm afterwards I rushed straight to the hospital and when I got there he had just came out of surgery. I was standing there looking at him when he opened his eyes and he started humming the "Pink Panther" song (lol) then he lifted his hand to give me a high five because I had kept my promise that when he opened his eyes I would be there, then he passed back out for the next two hours then I took him home.
Thursday September 10, 2009 at 12:00 am.
My baby boy turned 5 years old and we couldn't celebrate his birthday because we had no money because it all went to co payments and prescription fees! It hurt me not to be able to acknowledge my son's birthday especially his 5th.
Saturday September 12, 2009 at 11:00 am.
My youngest son gets sick Fever, stuffy nose, and achenes he was just miserable.
Monday September 14, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My oldest son gets sick Fever, stuffy nose, achenes same ol' same.
Saturday September 19, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My husband returned to work, I still couldn't find childcare for my son so my hopes of keeping my new job starts to fade. Then I started my Period and to top it all off I felt the cold forming in my system. I thought to myself "finally, I can get the chance to rest" and then my husband came home and he was sick so, I was back on duty! You know moms can't get sick in peace (lol) I had to suck up what I was going through to take care of my family. I was making soup, giving medicine, rubbing Vick's on their chest and backs, just making sure they were comfortable.
Monday September 21, 2009 at 6:00 am.
I woke up feeling horrible and the stress had kicked in high gear because I was overwhelmed with everything that was going on especially trying to find affordable childcare for my son in enough time so I wouldn't have to give up my job.
Tuesday September 22, 2009 at 1:22 am.
I get a call from my sister and she was scared because the dude that set her up showed up at her house unannounced 2 nights before and now he was calling her asking her if she had court soon and she said "yes" and he said "I'm coming to see you" that was at 11:00pm but she feel asleep but woke up in a panic at 1:20am because she said she had to let someone know what was going on in case they tried to hurt her so she called me"Of course after that call I couldn't sleep and I had work in the morning.
Wednesday September 23, 2009 at 7:00 am.
I was feeling like crap and had to go to work then I get a phone call from my supervisor about some lie a lady at one of the programs told her so she called me yelling and I guess all the stress took a toll on me because I had enough and let my emotions get the best of me and flipped out! I was just done with all the Bull Shit you know, so I left work early and went home and got some rest then my friend called me and I told her everything I had been going through and how I had to give up my job because of lack of childcare and she said "girl you are stressed and you need a therapist"(lol) then she treated me to a pedicure which is the next best thing. I felt really relaxed after and went home and went to bed.
My point of sharing my situation with you all is to show you that when your mind is not healthy your body is not healthy, all the running around and stressing took over me and although I have faith in god, at times I just felt lost and alone. One day I was so overwhelmed that I didn't want to come home. I drove around really slow and I wanted to pull over and just sit in the car but I had been gone for hours and I didn't want my family to worry, so I went home. I felt so bad because in the whole 7 years I've been with my family I never felt that way before and I didn't understand why I was feeling this way. I know we go through a lot in our lives and we are suppose to stay strong and never show your weak side but I couldn't take it anymore and like my mom said I'm only human it's ok, but hopefully next month will bring less stress and frustrations!
Thursday August 20, 2009 at 8:00pm.
I get a phone call stating that my sister had been arrested for being at the wrong place a the wrong time and can be facing some serious time behind some dudes that set her up to pick up a package from a house and when she got there the FBI was there and arrested her. She got out the same night but now the guys think she will snitch, but knowing her she won't and she will take the fall for 15lbs. of marijuana through FedEx. The bad thing is she has 5 kids that will suffer if she do the time, but if she snitch she's screwed cause that's a lot of years which can cause the dudes to want to harm her if she tell and we all know the police won't protect her and her kids!
Wednesday August 26, 2009 at 10:00 am.
I missed my job interview because the car was leaking oil and smoking really bad and it was also the 1 year anniversary of my niece's loosing their father who was Murdered in Boston.
Thursday August 27, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My husband's car caught fire on his way to work now the stress really kick in cause my car gave out back in March and now his, so we had no car!
Friday August 28, 2009 at 8:30 am.
I had a dental appointment scheduled to remove my wisdom tooth and I also had a job interview scheduled for 10:00 am. At, 9:15am I was still sitting in the waiting room so I rescheduled my appointment. I called my ride then I noticed I had forgot the address and directions for my interview at home so I called them and got the info from them. About 20minutes into the ride I called to let them to let them know I was on my way and if I was heading in the right direction and the guy told me I was going the wrong way so turn around and I did, but he was wrong! The whole time I was going the right way so I was 45 minutes late for my interview however, I am happy to say they waited for me and I also got hired. When I came out of my interview my husband called to let me know that he had gotten approved for the car loan and we was getting our car and sure enough he pulled up in our first new shinny car!!!! All is good, right?
Sunday August 30, 2009 at 11:00am.
My husband's football game starts and within 15 minutes of playing he collided with another player head on and had to go to the hospital. They gave him a CT-Scan and we found out he fractured 7 bones in his face(his upper jaw bone, his sinus bones, and his temporal bone) and may need surgery. His pain was unbearable.
Monday August 31, 2009 at 9:00am.
We met with the maxillofacial specialist but he didn't handle fractures of this extent so he referred us to his partner so that means another appointment. At 10:00am I had my wisdom tooth pulled and a fill-in done. After that appointment we had to be at the Eye Dr. at 12:00pm to make sure there was no damage done to his eye I am glad to say his eye was not damaged.
Wednesday September 2, 2009 at 10:00 am.
Another fill-in(my poor mouth).
Thursday September 3, 2009 at 9:00 am.
We went to the maxillofacial surgent and found out that his fractures were really serious and he had to have surgery which was scheduled for September 9th. We were hoping he wouldn't have to have the surgery, but they were concerned about his eye sinking back and him having permanent double vision the swelling was actually helping his eye to stay in place. We also had to go to the Eye Dr. and to his primary care Dr. to get blood drawn before his surgery.
Friday September 4, 2009 at 8:30 am.
He had to have more CT-Scans done it was 9:45am and he still wasn't done so I had to leave him and my son at the hospital because I had a 10:00am appointment to sign my son up for daycare. When I got to my appointment after signing all the papers and thinking I was all set I found out that my employer never faxed my income verification form so he lost his spot. So, then I had to race back to the hospital to pick them up which they had been waiting for an hour because I never told them I was leaving, I was suppose to be waiting out side until they gave him his CT-Scan disk but when I saw the time I pulled off because I couldn't miss the appointment and you see how it turned out! Then he had an appointment for a physical which had to be done before he got the surgery and because we didn't have the $30 copay they refused to see him so we had to reschedule.
Monday September 7, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My husband returned to work but he also had two appointments scheduled for that day after work, his eye appointment and his physical which all went well! And my sister had her first court date which the case was continued for another date.
Wednesday September 9, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My first day of work, I got out at 9:00am and then picked up my husband to take him to his surgery. It was scheduled for 12:00pm and he was very nervous all he kept saying was "I want you to be the first person I see when I wake up then I'll be fine". I even made sure I wore his favorite color (he loves me in pink). I stayed with him until they took him into the Operating Room then I went back to work until 4:00 pm afterwards I rushed straight to the hospital and when I got there he had just came out of surgery. I was standing there looking at him when he opened his eyes and he started humming the "Pink Panther" song (lol) then he lifted his hand to give me a high five because I had kept my promise that when he opened his eyes I would be there, then he passed back out for the next two hours then I took him home.
Thursday September 10, 2009 at 12:00 am.
My baby boy turned 5 years old and we couldn't celebrate his birthday because we had no money because it all went to co payments and prescription fees! It hurt me not to be able to acknowledge my son's birthday especially his 5th.
Saturday September 12, 2009 at 11:00 am.
My youngest son gets sick Fever, stuffy nose, and achenes he was just miserable.
Monday September 14, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My oldest son gets sick Fever, stuffy nose, achenes same ol' same.
Saturday September 19, 2009 at 7:00 am.
My husband returned to work, I still couldn't find childcare for my son so my hopes of keeping my new job starts to fade. Then I started my Period and to top it all off I felt the cold forming in my system. I thought to myself "finally, I can get the chance to rest" and then my husband came home and he was sick so, I was back on duty! You know moms can't get sick in peace (lol) I had to suck up what I was going through to take care of my family. I was making soup, giving medicine, rubbing Vick's on their chest and backs, just making sure they were comfortable.
Monday September 21, 2009 at 6:00 am.
I woke up feeling horrible and the stress had kicked in high gear because I was overwhelmed with everything that was going on especially trying to find affordable childcare for my son in enough time so I wouldn't have to give up my job.
Tuesday September 22, 2009 at 1:22 am.
I get a call from my sister and she was scared because the dude that set her up showed up at her house unannounced 2 nights before and now he was calling her asking her if she had court soon and she said "yes" and he said "I'm coming to see you" that was at 11:00pm but she feel asleep but woke up in a panic at 1:20am because she said she had to let someone know what was going on in case they tried to hurt her so she called me"Of course after that call I couldn't sleep and I had work in the morning.
Wednesday September 23, 2009 at 7:00 am.
I was feeling like crap and had to go to work then I get a phone call from my supervisor about some lie a lady at one of the programs told her so she called me yelling and I guess all the stress took a toll on me because I had enough and let my emotions get the best of me and flipped out! I was just done with all the Bull Shit you know, so I left work early and went home and got some rest then my friend called me and I told her everything I had been going through and how I had to give up my job because of lack of childcare and she said "girl you are stressed and you need a therapist"(lol) then she treated me to a pedicure which is the next best thing. I felt really relaxed after and went home and went to bed.
My point of sharing my situation with you all is to show you that when your mind is not healthy your body is not healthy, all the running around and stressing took over me and although I have faith in god, at times I just felt lost and alone. One day I was so overwhelmed that I didn't want to come home. I drove around really slow and I wanted to pull over and just sit in the car but I had been gone for hours and I didn't want my family to worry, so I went home. I felt so bad because in the whole 7 years I've been with my family I never felt that way before and I didn't understand why I was feeling this way. I know we go through a lot in our lives and we are suppose to stay strong and never show your weak side but I couldn't take it anymore and like my mom said I'm only human it's ok, but hopefully next month will bring less stress and frustrations!
Friday, September 04, 2009
The System!!!
As a young mother I had to depend on the welfare system I had food stamps, cash benefits, and vouchers for child care services I even had W.I.C. , but it was also my goal to get off welfare when I was stable enough too. I always wanted to do what was best for myself and my children I never wanted to be on welfare but unfortunately I allowed myself to become an statistic by being young single mother. I went to school to better myself, and I was also bless to meet my husband who had once lived a fast life but just wanted to settle down and have a family. He his a very hard working man working 50 plus hours a week to provide for his family I see how much he works and it makes me want to reach out and help. The type of work he do takes a lot of energy, he's in charge of over 100 employees not to mention all the guest who dine at his place of employment. I know he would love to dedicate more of his time to his family which made me determined to help him, so I searched and searched all year until I got a job last Friday. The good news is I found work the bad news is, it's a pain in the ass to work and afford childcare. I have been searching all this week for a school to put my 5 year old son, he would have been going to Kindergarten this year but the cut off date is September 1st and his birthday is September 10th so he missed it by 9 days. So, he only qualifies for the pre-school program which is 3 hours long and other childcare centers won't take him when he get out from pre-school program at the local public school they want him to come to their program full-time but it's like $190 a week and with the jobs that are available now, you'll be lucky to make that much weekly. So, I been having a hard time, but I finally found a place that will take him full-time and they will go by a sliding scale fee so it shouldn't be too expensive. The reason I brought this story up is because as a woman who was on welfare and worked hard to get off, I started to notice that when you are on welfare you get everything handed to you and that's why all these woman are not motivated to get off because you loose all the resources when you are not part of "The System". It's like the government is discouraging people from living the family life, because either way you have to make huge sacrifices when you do it without "The System", you have to sacrifice the money or the family. And, this is what I mean: in order to afford the necessities you have to work a lot of hours and see your family less which can cause problems, but if you say forget it I'm spending time with my family you loose the money to support them". Then when you are trying to share the responsibility as a couple it's like they block you from the resources you need to be successful by saying"Oh you make to much", but have you noticed they never tell you how much more you make over the qualifying limit. This is just my opinion you may feel different maybe you are not having such a difficult time like I am having, either way help a sister out if you know another way to get help without hustling "The System". At one time I was thankful for "The System" now I just think they make it easy for women to keep making babies and suck up all the extra funds that can help people that really want to work and make a better situation for their families but, instead they give the funds to the women who just want to get their nails done, buy sneakers, buy their baby daddies big chains, and just sit around and do nothing! Right now I am pissed at "The System" us hard working people need help too we got goals and dreams and although we have some money we can still use a little more because you have to remember when signing up for these resources to get extra help they always go by the Gross Income Amount not the Net Income which is a few hundred dollars less which is a lot when you really don't have it!!!!!! I know there are some people out there that can relate I'm just asking you to share your situation with me and let me know how you made it work, I thought about having a friend watch him but my husband doesn't feel comfortable with her watching him which makes me feel uncomfortable, but I have to work! But, he feels it will end in drama or her being greedy and needy!!! And the people that I am able to trust is very limited so what can a sister do???????? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Real Friendship!
My friend asked me to do her hair for Labor Day weekend because she was planning to go to New York to the Caribbean Festival. I was like "that would be nice" I would like to go because I want my oldest son to understand his Jamaican culture so I saw a good opportunity to make that happen. So, she asked her family would it be OK if me and my children came along and they said yes, but yesterday she emailed me to inform me that she may not be able to go because of her financial situation.
I responded to her email stating: "I understand me and my husband was talking about the same thing and he was saying that I shouldn't go all the way to New York without extra spending money". I would have only had the $60 she was paying me to do her hair and I fully agree with my husband especially taking the kids along because you never now what's going to happen.
This morning she called me at like 8:30am telling me how she wrote me this long email and she wrote how she was feeling and I may not like it but she don't care it's how she felt, so I asked her what did she write because I didn't understand why she would have responded to my email with negative intentions and she told me to read it (you have to understand she was being a real bitch) yeah I said it a real BITCH!!!! I told her I wasn't on the computer so just tell me. Then she started saying that she didn't understand where I was coming from and she been to NY and never spent a lot of money and how she wouldn't take me anywhere and leave me hanging you know just going on and on. So I decided to see what she wrote in her email cause by this time I was awake and had a headache.
And this is what it said:
I don't have anything against ur husband, I don't know anything about him but the things that u tell me, n those things I keep it b/ u n I, so now, I know that ny its money, but I know becuase I been there plenty of times, n let me tell you one thing when I'm there I don't spend not one dollar except if I want food, first of all I will never ask u to go anywhere with me knowing ur situation, it was all about going to NY n going to carnaval that coz no money at all, I was not going to ask u for gas money or go half on a hotel, to buy food in NY its mad cheap, so ys 60 would of last you even if you were going by urself. Because I been to NY with 60 or less in my pockets n I still have fun. Don't feel like I'm disrespecting ur husband coz I'll never do that, but sometimes I feel that sometimes when it comes to you, he so negative o don't do this coz of this, if u do that, so. I would never ask u to go somewhere that would cost u. A lot of money. But like u said nxt time n the time I ask you to go somewhere it with u better say yes.
I was upset already because how she woke me up and after I read the email I got really mad and I let her have it the way she was giving it to me so I asked her why she was taking it so personal how come she didn't understand that I can't take myself or my kids out of town with only $60, and why she was coming off about my husband like that, but I accept full responsibility because I opened up to her as a friend about somethings me and my husband have gone through but I would have never guessed she would think so low of him but it's my fault so I just wanted to take this time to say to my husband: "I apologize, I know we go through our problems and at times I need to release the stress and I turn to people that I think would understand but I see that I shouldn't tell people things that will make them have a negative opinion about you, you are truly a great father and wonderful husband and I wouldn't change anything not even our struggles because it has brought us closer together. Thank you for being there to help me look at the whole picture even when it's not what I want to hear. We been together 7 years of course we have our problems but it's OK, I understood when I married you it wasn't going to be easy but it has truly been a blessing to have you in my life so I'm sorry and I love you. As friends we share things with each other and she has shared her relationship problems with me but I have never used it against her and it hurt me that she would do it to me.
I know she offered to hold us down in NY because she is my friend but I don't know anyone that will travel with two kids all the way to NY without emergency money. I understand where she was coming from but it was more like she wasn't understanding me this was the first time I was meeting her family, traveling with my kids and her. I was trying to explain that anything could happen what if my children wasn't comfortable staying at her families house I want to be able to get a room, if my kids get hungry I want to be able to buy them food without asking anyone, if I want to go shopping, etc. I just need to be able to do what I want when I want mind you we would have been in NY for 3-4 days not just for one day. I would be stupid to go to NY for that long with only $60 in my pocket. I feel like she unnecessarily attacked my husband and myself when we were both trying to do what was best for our children, I feel that the statements in the email towards my husband was false he was not being negative he was being a man. He was making sure his family would be OK. He knew I really wanted to go and he was happy but at the same time he knew I wasn't thinking about the money part because I just wanted to go with her.
I explained to her that she don't understand my situation because she don't have children or a husband she's not in my situation to understand where I'm coming from. Her going to NY with $60 is OK because she's alone and her family is there to help her. For me it's different! Although, she pissed me off and gave me a headache with all the yelling early this morning I still love her, I know she was just upset because she was looking forward to the trip and so was I but sometimes we can't get what we want and that's no reason to attack someone personally. However, she was woman enough to admit she wasn't looking at it from my point of view and she apologized she also apologized for the comments she made about my husband.
She wanted me to share this situation with you all too see if her reaction was legit or was I just over reacting!!! Either way we will always be friends no matter if we agree or not I just think that sometimes she should analyze the whole situation before she reacts then it wouldn't go this far cause the last thing I wanted was to wake up to drama!
My saying is learn from your situations and in this case I learned that although me and her have a real friendship I should keep my Marital problems to myself or my pastor because now my husband looks like the ass when he was just trying to look out for his family.
I responded to her email stating: "I understand me and my husband was talking about the same thing and he was saying that I shouldn't go all the way to New York without extra spending money". I would have only had the $60 she was paying me to do her hair and I fully agree with my husband especially taking the kids along because you never now what's going to happen.
This morning she called me at like 8:30am telling me how she wrote me this long email and she wrote how she was feeling and I may not like it but she don't care it's how she felt, so I asked her what did she write because I didn't understand why she would have responded to my email with negative intentions and she told me to read it (you have to understand she was being a real bitch) yeah I said it a real BITCH!!!! I told her I wasn't on the computer so just tell me. Then she started saying that she didn't understand where I was coming from and she been to NY and never spent a lot of money and how she wouldn't take me anywhere and leave me hanging you know just going on and on. So I decided to see what she wrote in her email cause by this time I was awake and had a headache.
And this is what it said:
I don't have anything against ur husband, I don't know anything about him but the things that u tell me, n those things I keep it b/ u n I, so now, I know that ny its money, but I know becuase I been there plenty of times, n let me tell you one thing when I'm there I don't spend not one dollar except if I want food, first of all I will never ask u to go anywhere with me knowing ur situation, it was all about going to NY n going to carnaval that coz no money at all, I was not going to ask u for gas money or go half on a hotel, to buy food in NY its mad cheap, so ys 60 would of last you even if you were going by urself. Because I been to NY with 60 or less in my pockets n I still have fun. Don't feel like I'm disrespecting ur husband coz I'll never do that, but sometimes I feel that sometimes when it comes to you, he so negative o don't do this coz of this, if u do that, so. I would never ask u to go somewhere that would cost u. A lot of money. But like u said nxt time n the time I ask you to go somewhere it with u better say yes.
I was upset already because how she woke me up and after I read the email I got really mad and I let her have it the way she was giving it to me so I asked her why she was taking it so personal how come she didn't understand that I can't take myself or my kids out of town with only $60, and why she was coming off about my husband like that, but I accept full responsibility because I opened up to her as a friend about somethings me and my husband have gone through but I would have never guessed she would think so low of him but it's my fault so I just wanted to take this time to say to my husband: "I apologize, I know we go through our problems and at times I need to release the stress and I turn to people that I think would understand but I see that I shouldn't tell people things that will make them have a negative opinion about you, you are truly a great father and wonderful husband and I wouldn't change anything not even our struggles because it has brought us closer together. Thank you for being there to help me look at the whole picture even when it's not what I want to hear. We been together 7 years of course we have our problems but it's OK, I understood when I married you it wasn't going to be easy but it has truly been a blessing to have you in my life so I'm sorry and I love you. As friends we share things with each other and she has shared her relationship problems with me but I have never used it against her and it hurt me that she would do it to me.
I know she offered to hold us down in NY because she is my friend but I don't know anyone that will travel with two kids all the way to NY without emergency money. I understand where she was coming from but it was more like she wasn't understanding me this was the first time I was meeting her family, traveling with my kids and her. I was trying to explain that anything could happen what if my children wasn't comfortable staying at her families house I want to be able to get a room, if my kids get hungry I want to be able to buy them food without asking anyone, if I want to go shopping, etc. I just need to be able to do what I want when I want mind you we would have been in NY for 3-4 days not just for one day. I would be stupid to go to NY for that long with only $60 in my pocket. I feel like she unnecessarily attacked my husband and myself when we were both trying to do what was best for our children, I feel that the statements in the email towards my husband was false he was not being negative he was being a man. He was making sure his family would be OK. He knew I really wanted to go and he was happy but at the same time he knew I wasn't thinking about the money part because I just wanted to go with her.
I explained to her that she don't understand my situation because she don't have children or a husband she's not in my situation to understand where I'm coming from. Her going to NY with $60 is OK because she's alone and her family is there to help her. For me it's different! Although, she pissed me off and gave me a headache with all the yelling early this morning I still love her, I know she was just upset because she was looking forward to the trip and so was I but sometimes we can't get what we want and that's no reason to attack someone personally. However, she was woman enough to admit she wasn't looking at it from my point of view and she apologized she also apologized for the comments she made about my husband.
She wanted me to share this situation with you all too see if her reaction was legit or was I just over reacting!!! Either way we will always be friends no matter if we agree or not I just think that sometimes she should analyze the whole situation before she reacts then it wouldn't go this far cause the last thing I wanted was to wake up to drama!
My saying is learn from your situations and in this case I learned that although me and her have a real friendship I should keep my Marital problems to myself or my pastor because now my husband looks like the ass when he was just trying to look out for his family.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Strength through the LORD!!!!!!
After having a weak moment it is important to do some soul searching and find your inner strength though the lord!!!! No matter how much you try to forget and move on until you have the strength to do so on your own you will struggle to stay level headed. Some people may want to turn to the bible but are not sure where to go for help so I have provided some scriptures from Psalms:
1)The lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliever, my god my strength in whom I will trust, my buckler, and the horn of my salvation and my high tower. 18:2
2)Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my redeemer. 19:14
3)The lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in him and I am helped therefore my heart greatly rejoiced and with my song I will praise him. 28:7
4)My flesh and my heart failed but god is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 73:26
Read these Scriptures when you need help finding your inner strength!!!!!! And the lord will show you the way. May god bless you all the way he has truly blessed me. "Ask and you shall receive".
1)The lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliever, my god my strength in whom I will trust, my buckler, and the horn of my salvation and my high tower. 18:2
2)Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my redeemer. 19:14
3)The lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in him and I am helped therefore my heart greatly rejoiced and with my song I will praise him. 28:7
4)My flesh and my heart failed but god is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 73:26
Read these Scriptures when you need help finding your inner strength!!!!!! And the lord will show you the way. May god bless you all the way he has truly blessed me. "Ask and you shall receive".
Saturday, August 08, 2009
A woman's worth
You can't put a price on a woman's worth?
Ladies it is our jobs to know what we are worth we can not allow anyone to put a price on our worthiness. As women we have to make many sacrifices in our lives and when it all boil down is it worth it? I had the chance to sit and talk with my pastor and he explained to me from the bible how a woman should be treated and I just started crying because I realized that I have never been treated the way a woman should according to the bible. A lot of women including myself have been mistreated in their lives and start to loose their since of being worthy enough to be treated good and with respect. Sometimes life experiences can be overwhelming "so, I ask you ladies" is it all worth it?Should you have sex with a person you don't love just to make them happy, Should you be willing to go to jail over another persons crime, should you put your religious beliefs to the side so that you can be with the one you love, should you take the verbal physical and mental abuse because you are in love, Should you put your sleep on hold, should you allow other peoples problems to bring you down, should you try to change your ways to please others, should you lie about your feelings to make the other person feel better, should you drop out of school to raise your child, should you work these street corners to get your next meal, should you walk in your shoes until they're worn to the ground so that you can afford new ones for your kids, should you wear clothes that are old and too small so that you can afford clothes for your kids, should you do drugs to get you pass each stressful day, should you just give up or hang in there when times are hard? These are some of the questions that women I know have asked me. And, my answer is: I think that as women we are built strong and I think it's good to do things for a loved one but you should never have to jeopardize or sacrifice your heart, well being, faith, love, and trust to make that person happy~ I feel like if a person truly cares for you, you should never have to sacrifice your worth to prove yourself to them, if anything they should be showing you that all your sacrifices,stress,support and love was all worth it and that it isn't just a waste of time.
Ladies it is our jobs to know what we are worth we can not allow anyone to put a price on our worthiness. As women we have to make many sacrifices in our lives and when it all boil down is it worth it? I had the chance to sit and talk with my pastor and he explained to me from the bible how a woman should be treated and I just started crying because I realized that I have never been treated the way a woman should according to the bible. A lot of women including myself have been mistreated in their lives and start to loose their since of being worthy enough to be treated good and with respect. Sometimes life experiences can be overwhelming "so, I ask you ladies" is it all worth it?Should you have sex with a person you don't love just to make them happy, Should you be willing to go to jail over another persons crime, should you put your religious beliefs to the side so that you can be with the one you love, should you take the verbal physical and mental abuse because you are in love, Should you put your sleep on hold, should you allow other peoples problems to bring you down, should you try to change your ways to please others, should you lie about your feelings to make the other person feel better, should you drop out of school to raise your child, should you work these street corners to get your next meal, should you walk in your shoes until they're worn to the ground so that you can afford new ones for your kids, should you wear clothes that are old and too small so that you can afford clothes for your kids, should you do drugs to get you pass each stressful day, should you just give up or hang in there when times are hard? These are some of the questions that women I know have asked me. And, my answer is: I think that as women we are built strong and I think it's good to do things for a loved one but you should never have to jeopardize or sacrifice your heart, well being, faith, love, and trust to make that person happy~ I feel like if a person truly cares for you, you should never have to sacrifice your worth to prove yourself to them, if anything they should be showing you that all your sacrifices,stress,support and love was all worth it and that it isn't just a waste of time.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Weak Moments
Never feel guilty about having a weak moment however, try to learn from that moment.
A lot of us beat ourselves up over weak moments I say forget it and move on. I think we learn the most about ourselves when we reach a breaking point whether it's a relationship with a loved one, school, work, or just life's everyday BS. "Life can break us down if we let it". I have had to be strong for so long and just let the BS people do to me slide and still find the good in everyone but I have come to realize that allowing people to treat me wrong because I am trying to stay strong and positive is not healthy mentally. I have found that the harder I try to stay strong and positive the more people try to push me too that limit. My most recent weak moment came in the form of someone really close to me deceiving me my heart was crushed, I felt alone, I felt betrayed, disappointed, and angry which caused me to loose my cool. Although I had every right to feel these emotions I beat myself up over the situation asking myself "what could I have done different to avoid the outcome?" I realized that while I was stressing about the situation the other person had moved on with their lives and wasn't regretting or thinking about the situation at all. My friend told me recently, that I need to change some of my ways and she was right instead of beating myself up over the BS other people do I should just forget it and move on. I am thankful that I have friends that are honest enough to let me know when I am having a weak moment. I am also thankful to my granny for introducing me to the lord because I wouldn't have made it through a lot of my weak moments without him. So my message to you is don't allow other people to determine the outcome of a situation always try to stay in control so that you don't end up regretting your actions!
A lot of us beat ourselves up over weak moments I say forget it and move on. I think we learn the most about ourselves when we reach a breaking point whether it's a relationship with a loved one, school, work, or just life's everyday BS. "Life can break us down if we let it". I have had to be strong for so long and just let the BS people do to me slide and still find the good in everyone but I have come to realize that allowing people to treat me wrong because I am trying to stay strong and positive is not healthy mentally. I have found that the harder I try to stay strong and positive the more people try to push me too that limit. My most recent weak moment came in the form of someone really close to me deceiving me my heart was crushed, I felt alone, I felt betrayed, disappointed, and angry which caused me to loose my cool. Although I had every right to feel these emotions I beat myself up over the situation asking myself "what could I have done different to avoid the outcome?" I realized that while I was stressing about the situation the other person had moved on with their lives and wasn't regretting or thinking about the situation at all. My friend told me recently, that I need to change some of my ways and she was right instead of beating myself up over the BS other people do I should just forget it and move on. I am thankful that I have friends that are honest enough to let me know when I am having a weak moment. I am also thankful to my granny for introducing me to the lord because I wouldn't have made it through a lot of my weak moments without him. So my message to you is don't allow other people to determine the outcome of a situation always try to stay in control so that you don't end up regretting your actions!
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Is Love Worth Fighting For!!!!!
I want to know when it is ok to fight for love and I don't mean physically!
Today I was talking to a friend and she is going through a lot right now because she got into an altercation with her fiance's family which did lead to her being physically harmed by his family members and in that situation she was looking for her soon to be husband to come to her defense and he just stood there and when she left with their child to go home he stayed with his family and never tried to see how she was so now they broke up and she feels betrayed and disappointed by him, but she still misses him they been together over 14 years and share a child so I can understand. I myself have been through similar incident with my husbands family because we are an inter-racial couple and a lot of people still can't accept black & white people loving each other. My children (who were 3 & 1 at the time) and I have been disrespected in ways I wouldn't have imagined everything from being called a f***ing niggers, to being told my kids were dirty (because my oldest one is full african american) and then my youngest one is mixed (african american and white), and the way my husband protected us made me fall in love with him all over again because he stood by our side and made sure we were ok and he actually stopped talking to his family. But, in that case our realationship suffered also because he got depressed. I noticed what not being around his family was doing to my husband and I remembered the sacrifice he made for us out of love. So, I decided that seeing my husband smiling again was more important than fighting with is family about something we can't change (our color). I guess it's hard to say when love is worth fighting for but sometimes we have to put our feelings to the side for the people we love, so after 2 years I showed up at his mother's house without notice and truth be told I didn't expect what came next! She opened the door and I was standing there with my kids who were 3 & 1 the last time she talked or seen them and she just grabbed us and hugged us and started crying I felt bad because my youngest son didn't know her she had to tell him "I'm your grandmother" and we sat down and talked about everything and I'm happy to say the decision I made was worth it because my children are happy, my husband is happy, grandma is happy, which makes me happy. In love you must have patience and be willing to make sacrifices that will improve your bond with your partner no matter what because at the end of the day couples fight and love is hard to come across so be happy with the one you love and keep all others involved but at a distance because the more people that get involved with your relationship the more drama you will have. When I think about fighting for love I think about Supporting,Making Sacrifices, Praying, and being Understanding to one another even when you are stuck in your own selfish ways. I think love is worth fighting for and if there ever comes a point were you don't feel your relationship is worth fighting for I say "throw in the towel" and pray! "There is no point or future staying in a relationship with a person that wouldn't support, pray, sacrifice,understand, or love you when needed" Trust me when I say it will be fine and I'm talking from experience. I had just graduated high school when I got pregnant and the guy walked out I was heartbroke, homeless , jobless , and thought my life was over but with prayer I made it thru and look at me now with the family I always prayed for and I wouldn't trade it for the world but I would fight for the love I found with my husband and children because it would be worth it!
Today I was talking to a friend and she is going through a lot right now because she got into an altercation with her fiance's family which did lead to her being physically harmed by his family members and in that situation she was looking for her soon to be husband to come to her defense and he just stood there and when she left with their child to go home he stayed with his family and never tried to see how she was so now they broke up and she feels betrayed and disappointed by him, but she still misses him they been together over 14 years and share a child so I can understand. I myself have been through similar incident with my husbands family because we are an inter-racial couple and a lot of people still can't accept black & white people loving each other. My children (who were 3 & 1 at the time) and I have been disrespected in ways I wouldn't have imagined everything from being called a f***ing niggers, to being told my kids were dirty (because my oldest one is full african american) and then my youngest one is mixed (african american and white), and the way my husband protected us made me fall in love with him all over again because he stood by our side and made sure we were ok and he actually stopped talking to his family. But, in that case our realationship suffered also because he got depressed. I noticed what not being around his family was doing to my husband and I remembered the sacrifice he made for us out of love. So, I decided that seeing my husband smiling again was more important than fighting with is family about something we can't change (our color). I guess it's hard to say when love is worth fighting for but sometimes we have to put our feelings to the side for the people we love, so after 2 years I showed up at his mother's house without notice and truth be told I didn't expect what came next! She opened the door and I was standing there with my kids who were 3 & 1 the last time she talked or seen them and she just grabbed us and hugged us and started crying I felt bad because my youngest son didn't know her she had to tell him "I'm your grandmother" and we sat down and talked about everything and I'm happy to say the decision I made was worth it because my children are happy, my husband is happy, grandma is happy, which makes me happy. In love you must have patience and be willing to make sacrifices that will improve your bond with your partner no matter what because at the end of the day couples fight and love is hard to come across so be happy with the one you love and keep all others involved but at a distance because the more people that get involved with your relationship the more drama you will have. When I think about fighting for love I think about Supporting,Making Sacrifices, Praying, and being Understanding to one another even when you are stuck in your own selfish ways. I think love is worth fighting for and if there ever comes a point were you don't feel your relationship is worth fighting for I say "throw in the towel" and pray! "There is no point or future staying in a relationship with a person that wouldn't support, pray, sacrifice,understand, or love you when needed" Trust me when I say it will be fine and I'm talking from experience. I had just graduated high school when I got pregnant and the guy walked out I was heartbroke, homeless , jobless , and thought my life was over but with prayer I made it thru and look at me now with the family I always prayed for and I wouldn't trade it for the world but I would fight for the love I found with my husband and children because it would be worth it!
Monday, July 20, 2009
I have created a new blog page!
For the latest styles and easy to do styling tips!!!! Checkout: http://www.lateststyles-sunshyne.blogspot.com Here you will be able to gain the confidence you deserve and allow that spark to brighten up your spirit because as women you should always look and feel our best! Hope you check it out and learn some great tips to apply to your everyday life style.
Monday, June 29, 2009
R.I.P. MICHAEL JACKSON "The King of Pop"
It is so unbelievable what took place last Thursday afternoon, we lost such an icon to the African American Culture. Michael started as a little boy egar to get into the spotlight and he succeeded along with his siblings. The Jackson Family soon became the image of all black families, everyone wanted their children to sing and dance including my grandmother (lol). Now is a time to celebrate Michael's life, because no matter what people say about Michael, he has influenced too many peoples' life in a positive way to focus on the negative! Michael is an unbelievable artist. I have watched Michael for years and tried to emulate him and let me tell you, it ain't easy. No matter what mood you are in, if a Michael Jackson song play I bet your whole house gets cleaned!
"he just has that effect". Michael has done so much to help others and I think Michael Jackson was really misunderstood, I do believe Michael was a real spiritual man, if you listen to his words in most of his song he's talking about helping others and the beauty of children, animals, and the world we live in also he talked about how we are destroying all these beautiful things god gave us. In no way, shape, or form do I believe Michael would hurt an innocent child because he understood that children are a gift from god! We have truly lost a great person way too soon, but he is at his resting place next to the heavenly father above, and I hope people respect Michaels' legacy and his children. Just remember him as the musical genius and humanitarian he was. Michael, you will never be forgotten, all generations to come will still be influenced by your work. It has been a pleasure for me to be raised in the "MICHAEL JACKSON ERA" If it were not for you Michael our generation would have missed out on a lot! I would like to big up the BET AWARDS for doing it right for Michael, truth be told I was in denial until I saw last night's show, then it hit me that the greatest musician of all time is gone. It was beautiful to see black people come together and celebrate Michael the correct way without assassinating his characters everyone show love by either sharing stories, dressing like Mike,singing his songs, even talking in his voice. Michael was truly loved! May god give his family the strength to get through this tragic loss! All his fans should do everything to make sure memories of Michael are focused on the positive, and on that note RIP , you are truly an angel!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Loving your children
Just because you didn't give birth to a child doesn't make it any less your.
If I am walking down the street and I see a child playing in the street I am going to make that child get out the street!
If am am riding the bus and I see a group of children picking on another child I'm going to intervene!
If I am eating and there is a hungry child next to me I am going to make sure that child eat before I do!
If I see a child that is cold I will make sure that child gets warm!
If I see a child that is doing good I am going to praise that child!
And if I see a child that needs to be loved I will provide that motherly love!
And if I see a child that needs knowledge I will provide that knowledge!
And if I know a child is getting abused I will say something!
If we all thought this way our children would be better off in life, but for some reason there are many people that refuse to love all children the way they would love their own child! Although, we didn't give birth to a child they are still our responsibility because god sent them as gifts to this world so we must cherish his gifts!
If I am walking down the street and I see a child playing in the street I am going to make that child get out the street!
If am am riding the bus and I see a group of children picking on another child I'm going to intervene!
If I am eating and there is a hungry child next to me I am going to make sure that child eat before I do!
If I see a child that is cold I will make sure that child gets warm!
If I see a child that is doing good I am going to praise that child!
And if I see a child that needs to be loved I will provide that motherly love!
And if I see a child that needs knowledge I will provide that knowledge!
And if I know a child is getting abused I will say something!
If we all thought this way our children would be better off in life, but for some reason there are many people that refuse to love all children the way they would love their own child! Although, we didn't give birth to a child they are still our responsibility because god sent them as gifts to this world so we must cherish his gifts!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Bible Verses for Father's Day!!!
Joshua 1:9
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Malachi 4:6
He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.
Psalm 103:13
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
Proverbs 3:11-12
My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
Proverbs 3:32
For the LORD detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence.
Proverbs 10:9
The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.
Proverbs 17:24
A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth.
Proverbs 17:27
A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.
Proverbs 23:22
Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
Proverbs 23:24
The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Hebrews 12:7
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Malachi 4:6
He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.
Psalm 103:13
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
Proverbs 3:11-12
My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
Proverbs 3:32
For the LORD detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence.
Proverbs 10:9
The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.
Proverbs 17:24
A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth.
Proverbs 17:27
A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.
Proverbs 23:22
Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
Proverbs 23:24
The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him.
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Hebrews 12:7
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?
Father's Day!
It takes more than sperm and money to be a father, any guy can make a baby, but a real man teaches his children, disciplines his children, take pride in his children, pray for his children, love is children, will be there to catch them when they fall, forgive when they need to be forgiven, a real man plays with his children, eat with his children, read with his children and work hard for his children, a real man will cry or die for his children a real man will not deny his children!
"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE REAL FATHERS IN THE WORLD"
SunShyne-AB
"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE REAL FATHERS IN THE WORLD"
SunShyne-AB
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
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