My friend asked me to do her hair for Labor Day weekend because she was planning to go to New York to the Caribbean Festival. I was like "that would be nice" I would like to go because I want my oldest son to understand his Jamaican culture so I saw a good opportunity to make that happen. So, she asked her family would it be OK if me and my children came along and they said yes, but yesterday she emailed me to inform me that she may not be able to go because of her financial situation.
I responded to her email stating: "I understand me and my husband was talking about the same thing and he was saying that I shouldn't go all the way to New York without extra spending money". I would have only had the $60 she was paying me to do her hair and I fully agree with my husband especially taking the kids along because you never now what's going to happen.
This morning she called me at like 8:30am telling me how she wrote me this long email and she wrote how she was feeling and I may not like it but she don't care it's how she felt, so I asked her what did she write because I didn't understand why she would have responded to my email with negative intentions and she told me to read it (you have to understand she was being a real bitch) yeah I said it a real BITCH!!!! I told her I wasn't on the computer so just tell me. Then she started saying that she didn't understand where I was coming from and she been to NY and never spent a lot of money and how she wouldn't take me anywhere and leave me hanging you know just going on and on. So I decided to see what she wrote in her email cause by this time I was awake and had a headache.
And this is what it said:
I don't have anything against ur husband, I don't know anything about him but the things that u tell me, n those things I keep it b/ u n I, so now, I know that ny its money, but I know becuase I been there plenty of times, n let me tell you one thing when I'm there I don't spend not one dollar except if I want food, first of all I will never ask u to go anywhere with me knowing ur situation, it was all about going to NY n going to carnaval that coz no money at all, I was not going to ask u for gas money or go half on a hotel, to buy food in NY its mad cheap, so ys 60 would of last you even if you were going by urself. Because I been to NY with 60 or less in my pockets n I still have fun. Don't feel like I'm disrespecting ur husband coz I'll never do that, but sometimes I feel that sometimes when it comes to you, he so negative o don't do this coz of this, if u do that, so. I would never ask u to go somewhere that would cost u. A lot of money. But like u said nxt time n the time I ask you to go somewhere it with u better say yes.
I was upset already because how she woke me up and after I read the email I got really mad and I let her have it the way she was giving it to me so I asked her why she was taking it so personal how come she didn't understand that I can't take myself or my kids out of town with only $60, and why she was coming off about my husband like that, but I accept full responsibility because I opened up to her as a friend about somethings me and my husband have gone through but I would have never guessed she would think so low of him but it's my fault so I just wanted to take this time to say to my husband: "I apologize, I know we go through our problems and at times I need to release the stress and I turn to people that I think would understand but I see that I shouldn't tell people things that will make them have a negative opinion about you, you are truly a great father and wonderful husband and I wouldn't change anything not even our struggles because it has brought us closer together. Thank you for being there to help me look at the whole picture even when it's not what I want to hear. We been together 7 years of course we have our problems but it's OK, I understood when I married you it wasn't going to be easy but it has truly been a blessing to have you in my life so I'm sorry and I love you. As friends we share things with each other and she has shared her relationship problems with me but I have never used it against her and it hurt me that she would do it to me.
I know she offered to hold us down in NY because she is my friend but I don't know anyone that will travel with two kids all the way to NY without emergency money. I understand where she was coming from but it was more like she wasn't understanding me this was the first time I was meeting her family, traveling with my kids and her. I was trying to explain that anything could happen what if my children wasn't comfortable staying at her families house I want to be able to get a room, if my kids get hungry I want to be able to buy them food without asking anyone, if I want to go shopping, etc. I just need to be able to do what I want when I want mind you we would have been in NY for 3-4 days not just for one day. I would be stupid to go to NY for that long with only $60 in my pocket. I feel like she unnecessarily attacked my husband and myself when we were both trying to do what was best for our children, I feel that the statements in the email towards my husband was false he was not being negative he was being a man. He was making sure his family would be OK. He knew I really wanted to go and he was happy but at the same time he knew I wasn't thinking about the money part because I just wanted to go with her.
I explained to her that she don't understand my situation because she don't have children or a husband she's not in my situation to understand where I'm coming from. Her going to NY with $60 is OK because she's alone and her family is there to help her. For me it's different! Although, she pissed me off and gave me a headache with all the yelling early this morning I still love her, I know she was just upset because she was looking forward to the trip and so was I but sometimes we can't get what we want and that's no reason to attack someone personally. However, she was woman enough to admit she wasn't looking at it from my point of view and she apologized she also apologized for the comments she made about my husband.
She wanted me to share this situation with you all too see if her reaction was legit or was I just over reacting!!! Either way we will always be friends no matter if we agree or not I just think that sometimes she should analyze the whole situation before she reacts then it wouldn't go this far cause the last thing I wanted was to wake up to drama!
My saying is learn from your situations and in this case I learned that although me and her have a real friendship I should keep my Marital problems to myself or my pastor because now my husband looks like the ass when he was just trying to look out for his family.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Strength through the LORD!!!!!!
After having a weak moment it is important to do some soul searching and find your inner strength though the lord!!!! No matter how much you try to forget and move on until you have the strength to do so on your own you will struggle to stay level headed. Some people may want to turn to the bible but are not sure where to go for help so I have provided some scriptures from Psalms:
1)The lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliever, my god my strength in whom I will trust, my buckler, and the horn of my salvation and my high tower. 18:2
2)Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my redeemer. 19:14
3)The lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in him and I am helped therefore my heart greatly rejoiced and with my song I will praise him. 28:7
4)My flesh and my heart failed but god is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 73:26
Read these Scriptures when you need help finding your inner strength!!!!!! And the lord will show you the way. May god bless you all the way he has truly blessed me. "Ask and you shall receive".
1)The lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliever, my god my strength in whom I will trust, my buckler, and the horn of my salvation and my high tower. 18:2
2)Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my redeemer. 19:14
3)The lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in him and I am helped therefore my heart greatly rejoiced and with my song I will praise him. 28:7
4)My flesh and my heart failed but god is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 73:26
Read these Scriptures when you need help finding your inner strength!!!!!! And the lord will show you the way. May god bless you all the way he has truly blessed me. "Ask and you shall receive".
Saturday, August 08, 2009
A woman's worth
You can't put a price on a woman's worth?
Ladies it is our jobs to know what we are worth we can not allow anyone to put a price on our worthiness. As women we have to make many sacrifices in our lives and when it all boil down is it worth it? I had the chance to sit and talk with my pastor and he explained to me from the bible how a woman should be treated and I just started crying because I realized that I have never been treated the way a woman should according to the bible. A lot of women including myself have been mistreated in their lives and start to loose their since of being worthy enough to be treated good and with respect. Sometimes life experiences can be overwhelming "so, I ask you ladies" is it all worth it?Should you have sex with a person you don't love just to make them happy, Should you be willing to go to jail over another persons crime, should you put your religious beliefs to the side so that you can be with the one you love, should you take the verbal physical and mental abuse because you are in love, Should you put your sleep on hold, should you allow other peoples problems to bring you down, should you try to change your ways to please others, should you lie about your feelings to make the other person feel better, should you drop out of school to raise your child, should you work these street corners to get your next meal, should you walk in your shoes until they're worn to the ground so that you can afford new ones for your kids, should you wear clothes that are old and too small so that you can afford clothes for your kids, should you do drugs to get you pass each stressful day, should you just give up or hang in there when times are hard? These are some of the questions that women I know have asked me. And, my answer is: I think that as women we are built strong and I think it's good to do things for a loved one but you should never have to jeopardize or sacrifice your heart, well being, faith, love, and trust to make that person happy~ I feel like if a person truly cares for you, you should never have to sacrifice your worth to prove yourself to them, if anything they should be showing you that all your sacrifices,stress,support and love was all worth it and that it isn't just a waste of time.
Ladies it is our jobs to know what we are worth we can not allow anyone to put a price on our worthiness. As women we have to make many sacrifices in our lives and when it all boil down is it worth it? I had the chance to sit and talk with my pastor and he explained to me from the bible how a woman should be treated and I just started crying because I realized that I have never been treated the way a woman should according to the bible. A lot of women including myself have been mistreated in their lives and start to loose their since of being worthy enough to be treated good and with respect. Sometimes life experiences can be overwhelming "so, I ask you ladies" is it all worth it?Should you have sex with a person you don't love just to make them happy, Should you be willing to go to jail over another persons crime, should you put your religious beliefs to the side so that you can be with the one you love, should you take the verbal physical and mental abuse because you are in love, Should you put your sleep on hold, should you allow other peoples problems to bring you down, should you try to change your ways to please others, should you lie about your feelings to make the other person feel better, should you drop out of school to raise your child, should you work these street corners to get your next meal, should you walk in your shoes until they're worn to the ground so that you can afford new ones for your kids, should you wear clothes that are old and too small so that you can afford clothes for your kids, should you do drugs to get you pass each stressful day, should you just give up or hang in there when times are hard? These are some of the questions that women I know have asked me. And, my answer is: I think that as women we are built strong and I think it's good to do things for a loved one but you should never have to jeopardize or sacrifice your heart, well being, faith, love, and trust to make that person happy~ I feel like if a person truly cares for you, you should never have to sacrifice your worth to prove yourself to them, if anything they should be showing you that all your sacrifices,stress,support and love was all worth it and that it isn't just a waste of time.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Weak Moments
Never feel guilty about having a weak moment however, try to learn from that moment.
A lot of us beat ourselves up over weak moments I say forget it and move on. I think we learn the most about ourselves when we reach a breaking point whether it's a relationship with a loved one, school, work, or just life's everyday BS. "Life can break us down if we let it". I have had to be strong for so long and just let the BS people do to me slide and still find the good in everyone but I have come to realize that allowing people to treat me wrong because I am trying to stay strong and positive is not healthy mentally. I have found that the harder I try to stay strong and positive the more people try to push me too that limit. My most recent weak moment came in the form of someone really close to me deceiving me my heart was crushed, I felt alone, I felt betrayed, disappointed, and angry which caused me to loose my cool. Although I had every right to feel these emotions I beat myself up over the situation asking myself "what could I have done different to avoid the outcome?" I realized that while I was stressing about the situation the other person had moved on with their lives and wasn't regretting or thinking about the situation at all. My friend told me recently, that I need to change some of my ways and she was right instead of beating myself up over the BS other people do I should just forget it and move on. I am thankful that I have friends that are honest enough to let me know when I am having a weak moment. I am also thankful to my granny for introducing me to the lord because I wouldn't have made it through a lot of my weak moments without him. So my message to you is don't allow other people to determine the outcome of a situation always try to stay in control so that you don't end up regretting your actions!
A lot of us beat ourselves up over weak moments I say forget it and move on. I think we learn the most about ourselves when we reach a breaking point whether it's a relationship with a loved one, school, work, or just life's everyday BS. "Life can break us down if we let it". I have had to be strong for so long and just let the BS people do to me slide and still find the good in everyone but I have come to realize that allowing people to treat me wrong because I am trying to stay strong and positive is not healthy mentally. I have found that the harder I try to stay strong and positive the more people try to push me too that limit. My most recent weak moment came in the form of someone really close to me deceiving me my heart was crushed, I felt alone, I felt betrayed, disappointed, and angry which caused me to loose my cool. Although I had every right to feel these emotions I beat myself up over the situation asking myself "what could I have done different to avoid the outcome?" I realized that while I was stressing about the situation the other person had moved on with their lives and wasn't regretting or thinking about the situation at all. My friend told me recently, that I need to change some of my ways and she was right instead of beating myself up over the BS other people do I should just forget it and move on. I am thankful that I have friends that are honest enough to let me know when I am having a weak moment. I am also thankful to my granny for introducing me to the lord because I wouldn't have made it through a lot of my weak moments without him. So my message to you is don't allow other people to determine the outcome of a situation always try to stay in control so that you don't end up regretting your actions!
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Is Love Worth Fighting For!!!!!
I want to know when it is ok to fight for love and I don't mean physically!
Today I was talking to a friend and she is going through a lot right now because she got into an altercation with her fiance's family which did lead to her being physically harmed by his family members and in that situation she was looking for her soon to be husband to come to her defense and he just stood there and when she left with their child to go home he stayed with his family and never tried to see how she was so now they broke up and she feels betrayed and disappointed by him, but she still misses him they been together over 14 years and share a child so I can understand. I myself have been through similar incident with my husbands family because we are an inter-racial couple and a lot of people still can't accept black & white people loving each other. My children (who were 3 & 1 at the time) and I have been disrespected in ways I wouldn't have imagined everything from being called a f***ing niggers, to being told my kids were dirty (because my oldest one is full african american) and then my youngest one is mixed (african american and white), and the way my husband protected us made me fall in love with him all over again because he stood by our side and made sure we were ok and he actually stopped talking to his family. But, in that case our realationship suffered also because he got depressed. I noticed what not being around his family was doing to my husband and I remembered the sacrifice he made for us out of love. So, I decided that seeing my husband smiling again was more important than fighting with is family about something we can't change (our color). I guess it's hard to say when love is worth fighting for but sometimes we have to put our feelings to the side for the people we love, so after 2 years I showed up at his mother's house without notice and truth be told I didn't expect what came next! She opened the door and I was standing there with my kids who were 3 & 1 the last time she talked or seen them and she just grabbed us and hugged us and started crying I felt bad because my youngest son didn't know her she had to tell him "I'm your grandmother" and we sat down and talked about everything and I'm happy to say the decision I made was worth it because my children are happy, my husband is happy, grandma is happy, which makes me happy. In love you must have patience and be willing to make sacrifices that will improve your bond with your partner no matter what because at the end of the day couples fight and love is hard to come across so be happy with the one you love and keep all others involved but at a distance because the more people that get involved with your relationship the more drama you will have. When I think about fighting for love I think about Supporting,Making Sacrifices, Praying, and being Understanding to one another even when you are stuck in your own selfish ways. I think love is worth fighting for and if there ever comes a point were you don't feel your relationship is worth fighting for I say "throw in the towel" and pray! "There is no point or future staying in a relationship with a person that wouldn't support, pray, sacrifice,understand, or love you when needed" Trust me when I say it will be fine and I'm talking from experience. I had just graduated high school when I got pregnant and the guy walked out I was heartbroke, homeless , jobless , and thought my life was over but with prayer I made it thru and look at me now with the family I always prayed for and I wouldn't trade it for the world but I would fight for the love I found with my husband and children because it would be worth it!
Today I was talking to a friend and she is going through a lot right now because she got into an altercation with her fiance's family which did lead to her being physically harmed by his family members and in that situation she was looking for her soon to be husband to come to her defense and he just stood there and when she left with their child to go home he stayed with his family and never tried to see how she was so now they broke up and she feels betrayed and disappointed by him, but she still misses him they been together over 14 years and share a child so I can understand. I myself have been through similar incident with my husbands family because we are an inter-racial couple and a lot of people still can't accept black & white people loving each other. My children (who were 3 & 1 at the time) and I have been disrespected in ways I wouldn't have imagined everything from being called a f***ing niggers, to being told my kids were dirty (because my oldest one is full african american) and then my youngest one is mixed (african american and white), and the way my husband protected us made me fall in love with him all over again because he stood by our side and made sure we were ok and he actually stopped talking to his family. But, in that case our realationship suffered also because he got depressed. I noticed what not being around his family was doing to my husband and I remembered the sacrifice he made for us out of love. So, I decided that seeing my husband smiling again was more important than fighting with is family about something we can't change (our color). I guess it's hard to say when love is worth fighting for but sometimes we have to put our feelings to the side for the people we love, so after 2 years I showed up at his mother's house without notice and truth be told I didn't expect what came next! She opened the door and I was standing there with my kids who were 3 & 1 the last time she talked or seen them and she just grabbed us and hugged us and started crying I felt bad because my youngest son didn't know her she had to tell him "I'm your grandmother" and we sat down and talked about everything and I'm happy to say the decision I made was worth it because my children are happy, my husband is happy, grandma is happy, which makes me happy. In love you must have patience and be willing to make sacrifices that will improve your bond with your partner no matter what because at the end of the day couples fight and love is hard to come across so be happy with the one you love and keep all others involved but at a distance because the more people that get involved with your relationship the more drama you will have. When I think about fighting for love I think about Supporting,Making Sacrifices, Praying, and being Understanding to one another even when you are stuck in your own selfish ways. I think love is worth fighting for and if there ever comes a point were you don't feel your relationship is worth fighting for I say "throw in the towel" and pray! "There is no point or future staying in a relationship with a person that wouldn't support, pray, sacrifice,understand, or love you when needed" Trust me when I say it will be fine and I'm talking from experience. I had just graduated high school when I got pregnant and the guy walked out I was heartbroke, homeless , jobless , and thought my life was over but with prayer I made it thru and look at me now with the family I always prayed for and I wouldn't trade it for the world but I would fight for the love I found with my husband and children because it would be worth it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
